Life seems to go by so fast. It seems like just yesterday I was begging my mom to take me for a Happy Meal. Okay, maybe that was yesterday, but that’s beside the point. Anyways, it was about four years ago that I was about to embark on a journey that not even I, in my years of experience, could imagine. By going to college I was taking on a challenge, that most none of my family was familiar. But not only was I just going to college, I was leaving the nest and going away. Now, 4 years later, a lot of alcohol, procrastination and good times and I am preparing for journey numero dos. Yikes.
Life. Such an intimidating word. Is it by coincidence that it rhymes with some of the most hurtful words in the English language? Knife. Strife. …Wife. :)
It’s strange to look back on our lives and think of the simple things that used to amuse us. For me, it was an hour with my video camera to film the daily, “T.O.D.D. News,” as it was creatively titled. Or the day I got to stay outside on the front porch for an extra hour.
Now I have “real” problems…bills, relationships, education, and soon a career. Sometimes I wish I could revert back to the old ways and apply the knowledge that I now know. If only I knew I was going to be gay, I would’ve refrained from breaking so many girls hearts. Haha. Maybe then I wouldn’t have thought my life was so miserable. I guess growing up is fun, well, until the electric bill comes, the car payment or more realistically, the past due notice(s).
Now more than ever, I can’t help but wish I had some supernatural power to see the future and know what life had in store for me. It’s so scary to think that in just four months I will be moving onto something that will be my life for the next 50 or 60 years. Up until now I’ve been used to change every 4 years or so, but not anymore. I wish we had a form to fill out before we moved on, something like a video game menu. Select Hard, Medium, or Easy, please. If I could choose the most minimal amount of challenges too, that would be great. Just give me my millions, my yacht, Mercedes, and pool boy and I’ll be happy.
That’s life. |
Ah, so here goes again. Week from hell part cuatro! Surprisingly, it has kicked in that this is technically the second to last week from hell I'll ever have to go through! Why, you ask? Well, let me just say "senioritis" is a real disease and it is taking control of my mind, body, and soul! They say come the end of your college career, you start to become focused on the end rather than the work that will get you to the end. And damn is that the truth. I have an exam in about 4 hours. I looked over the study guide, but I can't find the strength to study the study guide. It's rough. I know once I start looking at the study guide I'll say, "shit, I wish I gave myself more time."
But same goes for last night. I have a paper due at noon today as well. I did it, though! I "started" the paper around 4:00pm yesterday afternoon. By started, I mean I set up the header with my last name and the page numbers. I didn't actually start the paper until about 10:45pm. Needless to say, I drank a lot of coffee, ate things that had high amounts of sugar, and stayed up until 5:30am writing the paper. It's my own fault. At least I can admit that! But, thanks to my high levels of caffeine that I induced, I had the shakes until about 7:30am. Thus, I'm running on a good two hours of sleep, once again powered by coffee and sugar.
Luckily, there's only three exams this time around. One tomorrow at 7:50am and one Wednesday at 7:50am. How they expect me to get up that early, I still have not figured out. You would think after going to this school for four years that would have a grasp on the idea that I am not a morning person. But, regardless the one tomorrow is pretty important and I can't not suck at life. So, if 7:00pm rolls around and I'm writing a meaningless blog, please threaten me.
Well, I guess I should probably consider trying this whole responsibility thing. If I don't dive right in, I risk falling asleep very very soon.
Thanks for your time. By the way, I'm studying the History of Latin America. How enticing, right? Not. No offense to my Latin American homeboys (and girls), but your country bores me to an unmeasurable extent. I think it's just history, in general. But whatever!
Have a fabulous day. |
Change should bring optimism, afterall connotatively-speaking that's typically the implication. Especially in this new age, when we welcome President Obama along with the hope that he brings the change he promises.
In light of these forward steps, someone sent the following letter to me. In all, it expresses the changes we, as a society, are undergoing and most of all, what seemed to be a progressive step in the fight for equality.
Here goes:
"Please remember this has been a week of change for me too.
The state of Florida supported Amendment 2, voting to outlaw domestic partnerships in a sweeping change to its constitution. Thousands of Florida couples, same-sex and not, are at risk of losing health care and pension benefits.
The state of Arkansas voted to prohibit unmarried couples (again, both same-sex and not) from serving as foster parents or adopting, essentially saying I am unfit to be a parent.
The progressive state of California voted by a wide margin to give more living space to chickens and pigs. They also voted to change the state constitution to reflect that my relationship of fourteen years does not have the same value as your marriage.
I’m happy African-American kids across the country now know whatever their dreams are, they can come true. Even if that dream is to become president. I’m even happy for the chickens and the pigs.
You just have to remember for a moment I didn’t wake up to the same reality you did on Wednesday morning. And you’re gonna have to give me a couple more days.
Signed,
The guy in the cube next door, the guy handing you a Latte, the lady buying a house from you, the nurse holding your hand, the cop stopping traffic so you can cross the street…and your son."
That's it. It's somewhat disheartening to know we live in a world where equality has taken a three-sided meaning; there's equality for race, gender, and sexuality. Unfortunately, two of the three are progressive whereas the latter is at a very deplorable halt.
Hopefully someday we will have the PRIVILEGE of being treated equally. Of all the socially oppressed groups, I would argue ours is by far the strongest. We've endured a lifetime of oppression, whereas most groups have been seeing change for years! I mean, imagine if a law passed that outlawed interracial marriages...or a law that took away a woman's right to vote? How unconstitutional, that would never happen in our country, clearly nothing like that occurred in our corrupt-free past and definitely not in the future! Better yet, imagine if a law passed the banned the right for two citizens to be one in wed and begin a family through adoption? I guess it's true, you can never say never. While we're on this route to taking away rights...in this bad economy, it might be a good idea to turn people into property for free labor. Sound familiar?
This country we live in calls for us all to stand United, but how can we do so when we're stuck in this world of segregation? What's next...separate water fountains? I call myself an American, but is that really fair? I guess constitutionally, I'm just a partial-citizen, since I don't have the same rights as everyone else. So, for the record, should I ever be called for duty...no can do, sorry! I registered when I was 18, because it's part of the Constitution, but I guess I'm exempt from some of those crazy Constitutional Rights.
We've made some progression in the fight for equality, but not enough. If there's anything I learned from watching Pres. Obama's rallies, it's the simple notion: "yes we can."
Someday, my friends. Someday. |
Fear. What is it? Why do we feel it? It's strange how one word has the power to threaten our well-being. Yet, despite how it makes us feel we will never be able to answer those questions. Why can't we overcome fear? Is it because sometimes it's just forced on us so we don't have the time, nor resources, to fight it? Should we fear being afraid?
It's weakening to know that one person has the power to impose a life-long fear on everyone that surrounds us. He had the power to make us call everyone we know to make sure they're okay, the power to make us hound Facebook for status updates, and the power to make us come together with those closest and worry about what to expect next. Yesterday when I walked into class, we were lectured for 15 minutes on campus safety. They had us all program the Illinois State Police Department's number (no, not 911) in our phones on speed dial. Then, we were lectured about how to react in a high-danger situation.
The craziest part is this didn't even happen on our campus, so how many other campuses throughout the state, or even the nation, are doing the same thing? And that's exactly what I am talking about: this fear that is changing the way we go about our daily lives. I guess it's good that we can learn from this fear and make positive changes, but how much longer until things go back to normal? What's worse is that the selfish coward took his own life - I would've much rather seen him suffer.
My challenge, not only to myself, but to everyone that reads this is this: Instead of sitting back and becoming crippled in fear, fight back; prove to yourself that fear can't hold you back. Don't cry (too much, at least), don't show that you are afraid; instead, mourn celebrating the lives of those lost and think, not about what could've been done to change the situation, but how happy we are that it is over. Let this fear empower us, not weaken.
To all my peeps at NIU, stay strong :)
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Have you ever gotten that feeling like what you have accomplished thus far in your life is insufficient? Why do we reach such a point? Is it maybe because overachieving sometimes becomes overwhelming? Or because true happiness doesn't necessarily lie in the path we've chosen? Or could it be, bluntly, that we are incapable of being fully happy, all the time? Sometimes I think that we are hardwired in a way to have really ecstatic times; times when it feels like absolutely nothing could go wrong. But, at the same time, we have times when it is the exact opposite, where we feel as if absolutely nothing could pull us out of the rut we have fallen into. Where is the happy medium? What happened to the mean between the two extremes? Damn Aristotle.
Honestly, I think happiness is something separate from all physical attributes of both our personality and our being. I would argue that happiness is something purely psychological that we can demand to be true or completely ignore. Think about it: when was the last time you were happy? Was it when good things were happening to you; or, was it when you interpreted things happening to you in a good way? Likewise, think of the last time you were unhappy. You could take it as far as to say that good and bad do not exist. People do things, and depending on how we want to interpret them, we take them as good or bad. Sometimes when someone talks sweet to us, we think, "wow, that person is so sweet." Whereas, other times we think, "hmm, I wonder what they're up to."
Well, anywho...in order to coincide with my philosophy on happiness for years I have developed this optimistic view on life where I do whatever I can whenever I can to make sure that I am doing the best I possibly can. Though, I have ran into some issues with that, considering I am a huge fan of procrastination. For the most part, when it is something I am truly passionate about I give it my all. Overall, optimism works for me and my personality quite well. But sometimes, I have an issue expressing myself. Self-expression, I would assume, is an issue most people face. Why that matters, I don't know? Just go with it. Regardless, sometimes I feel that my optimism allows people to walk all over me more freely, which isn't necessarily a good thing. Though, it keeps me free from a lot of unnecessary drama (which I hate drama); it also causes me a lot of thinking and a lot of self-thought rather than shared-thought...if you know what I mean. If not, sorry! Again, just go with it.
Anywho, I am not implying that I am unhappy because believe me I am very happy. Just sometimes I wish I could get through to people. Actually, it would be much easier if people just stopped sucking. Problem #41056 with the world: people suck. Haha.
Dr. Todd's philosophical session of the evening, thanks for tuning in. Have a great day. :0) |
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So what's new you ask?
Wow, lots. haha. For starters, work is progressing relatively smoothly. I have been going home mostly every weekend to get things started for next season and it is getting exciting. Not to mention, the move in date for my apartment is growing closer and closer each day which I am unbelievably psyched about!! I also just purchased a new laptop, a fabulous Apple MacBook Pro for all my web, graphic and fun designing needs. How exciting?
I'm writing this when I should be sleeping because I can't go 25 seconds without yawning haha. But, I am far too inspired to not write.
Tonight has to have been the most inspirational and meaningful moments in my entire life, not to mention one of the best times I have ever had. I started at 5pm going to Wal-Mart with Bree and Meghan to purchase some fun outdoors crap for the great Relay for Life. We ended up getting "junior" tents (aka tents for little kids) because they were the cheapest. Given I didn't really fit, the time that I did spend in there when it was raining in the last hour was pretty damn entertaining.
But regardless, why was it so inspirational? Because for once in my life I witnessed my peers, my surrounding community members, my friends, and my family all coming together in the fight against cancer. It's strange because you don't see it happen to often. Everyone was out there in their big, large tents, barbecuing, chatting, joking and playing games. People walked around the quad endlessly for twelve hours straight, all in honor of those lost to cancer and those fighting the disease right now.
The best part was the walk of silence. They didn't even have to announce it. The lights in the quad dimmed and the luminaries were lit; almost instantaneously the entire crowd silenced. People bowed their heads and some got down on their knees and prayed, while others sat and watched the slideshow playing in memory of those lost. People were clinging to their friends for support and some were just lying on the ground cuddled up with someone in tears. The entire experience makes you sit back and think...what if that were me? For the lucky ones, we don't necessarily know what it's like to have to go through something like this. But, in the end, in some way, shape or form, we have all been affected; whether its through friends who have lost loved ones, friends who are currently fighting the battle, or family...it's something we can all relate to and it's something we can all fight against.
Successfully, as of tonight ISU raised over $150,000 which that is great. The goal for this year was $182,000, but luckily we still have until August 1st to reach that goal. So please, if you have any to spare please donate to this great cause by clicking Here!
It is now 6:35am and bed time for me!!
Apr. 14th, 2007 @ 06:12 am
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We all reach a point in our life when we realize things are not going the way they potentially could be. Given, most reach this point multiple times, it rarely comes early in life. However, that point came for me at the beginning of this year. From my previous posts, it is implied that things were not necessarily at the level they could be, classes were slipping and stress was taking over my life. But this year, I pledged to make a change. My promise to myself consisted of involving myself with my school more, while still maintaining a stable mode of reliability within other areas of my life (work, family, friends, etc). Thus far, things are going great. While I started the year out in a relationship, I am no longer tied down nor do I plan to have any such commitment any time soon. I have met a few really great people recently, but as noticed with my past, I often allow things to escalate faster than they should resulting in a negative outcome. Not this time, people! Not to mention, I have recently made some adjustments to my personal life. Through life's obstacles we learn who can truly be there for us permanently and who is there for us temporarily. Not to sound cynical, but I don't waste my time on those that I know will only play a temporary role in my life. Seriously, what is the point?
I am now a member of PRSSA, which is good because I am gaining so much experience already. For a while I was planning on switching my major, but no more; I absolutely love what I am doing. Currently I am working on two separate projects: one is a "Vegas Lights and Date Nights" auction, which has been a ton of fun so far. I am working with a few other people and I really think it's going to be a great time. Plus, all proceeds go to Habitat for Humanity. Another project is a Socio-political film festival here on campus. This one has been a bit more work, as it was kind of thrown to us last minute, but as a team we completely stepped up and got everything done so fast. We had like ten days to do all the PR for the event, and we pulled it off like no other. Classes, on the other hand, are kind of kicking my ass this semester. I've been very consistent with my attendance, I missed maybe 4 class periods all semester so far. This semester I am taking all minor/major-related courses, so the content is much more relevant to what I plan on doing with the rest of my life aka more work.
Side note: In just three solid months I move into my very first apartment!!! I am absolutely psyched. It's going to be amazing.
So what else is going on? Hmm.. work is going good, recruitment has picked up finally. If anyone is looking for a summer job up in the chicagoland area, holler at me! :)
But anywho, I heard a song today: "Change" by Kimberly Locke. It's what kind of sparked my need to write this entry. I have had a lot on my mind lately, but never really have a chance to get it down in journal-format nor to even speak it out to anyone. I feel like I am overwhelmed, but at the same time it feels like a "good" overwhelmed. My free-time has decreased greatly, almost to the point where it is virtually non-existent. Today is kind of my day to recoup, maybe do some shopping? I don't know.
But, anyways back to this song. It emphasizes how fast changes happen and how much they affect you; how hard they are to adjust to and how much we have to fight to make change happen. I mean, not to be a total homosexual and talk about how much this correlates to my life right now, but seriously hahaha. Changes aren't always bad things, most of the time they're actually good. I am just at that transitional period in my life, from adolescent to adult. I have a pretty well life plan laid out for myself and I am finally starting to feel like I am growing up. It's amazing how a few months go by and you start to realize just how fast life really does pass by. I mean, it was six years ago almost that I was starting high school and I was freaked out about that transition in my life. It has been two years now that I have been in college and I knew it was going to be a milestone in my life, but now I am starting to comprehend to what extent. It was my first time away from home, my first time living on my own, and my first time being fully responsible for every decision and action I make. And now, after two years of getting used to that and adjusting to my "own" way of life, I am moving into my own apartment with friends and I am preparing myself for my life-long career which is just two years away from beginning. It is kind of scary to know that in a couple years I will be starting what I will be doing for the rest of my life. At the end of this year, I will be able to buy my own alcohol. I have started to accumulate my own set of bills, with all the credit cards I am opening. It is such a happy moment when you get the screen that says "Approved!"
Hmm.. so for Lent I chose to give up spending money carelessly. Since, I was not able to celebrate my last fling on Tuesday I am allowing myself *shh* one day where I am just going to go all out as a treat to myself for all my hard work. I accidentally broke my D&G sunglasses the other day, so I've been researching new pairs that I can buy. I don't know what I am going to get yet. But, I also ripped my favorite shoes, so I need a new pair of shoes to replace these. And I ripped my favorite pair of jeans, so I need a new pair of jeans too. I have just been having some shitty luck lately, hahaha.
Here's one of the poster's I made recently:
Feb. 22nd, 2007 @ 06:19 am
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A New Year implies a new beginning, correct? For most this is true, as it provides a chance to "start over". But, my question is why do we resort to waiting for the new year to make changes in things that we obviously know are incorrect (if we plan on changing them in the new year). Meh, I guess it could be a sense of motivation. For the sake of this post, we will assume that that is the defining reason for the change in which I have decided to impose upon myself.
So, the new year begins and what has changed in my life? A lot! For starters, I am no longer a teenager (though, I tend to still act like one), I am relatively poor which is encouraging my shopping hype to come to an abrupt and forced conclusion, and I have a boyfriend!
My countdown to 21 has officially begun as it is now less than 12 months until I turn the big 2-1. Call me ridiculous, but I don't care. Also, in my list of countdowns is the countdown to when I return to ISU which, as of right now, is about one week away! But, also the countdown to the apartment life which is about 4 months away!
Work is extremely limited (almost to the point that it is non-existent) causing my wallet and bank account to suffer horribly. On the bright side, I am finally learning how to live without having any money whatsoever haha. I am not going to lie, it is pretty boring. But hey, it could be worse. One can only hope that this will influence my shopping habits in the future causing them to be less extreme. (Key phrase: one can only hope).
Home has been extremely satisfying this time around, not only did I have an amazing Christmas and birthday with my family and friends, but arguably I had the best New Years in my entire life. Thanks to Jamie for throwing a fun and alcohol-filled evening, where I could spend time with my friends and my not-so-then-but-now-current boyfriend (who by the way is everything I have been looking for and more)! It is definitely a night to remember.
So now for that change I spoke of previously in this post:
Given the extensive and constant changes that are occurring in my life, it is definitely imperative that I cope and adjust, rather than just live with them. In the past, I often just took changes as they came, living my life fully and supporting spontaneity. But now, I have a great opportunity to plan ahead for the future. Luckily, I am at an advantage because even though I am only 20 years old, I have a lot going for me. For the most part, I have a more than decent job (especially for my age), I have the best friends in the world, and an amazing boyfriend. My most detrimental vices include my tendency to procrastinate and my shopping addiction. Both which will be worked on in this new year. My biggest goal is to focus on school more, because I know that I can do better than I have been. In addition to all these necessary changes, I will also be getting myself into better shape thanks to my fantastic friend Jason who is going to drag my ass out of bed everyday. lol
Oh, so off subject again...
Recently I saw the movie The Holiday, and I definitely recommend going to see it. It's one of those chick-flicks, but it's adorable. I give it two thumbs up. For those of you unfamiliar, it is about two women whose lives, for lack of a better word, suck so they participate in this home-exchange program and switch homes for a couple of weeks and end of finding the love of their lives. It's really cute, you have to see it.
On the other hand, I also saw the movie The Family Stone and it is bad. Don't see it, it is long and boring; kind of annoying at times.
Jan. 5th, 2007 @ 12:26 am
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As the great Hilary Duff once said, "someone's watching over me!" HaHa.
For those of you who actually keep up with my babbling you may or may not have noticed that life kinda sorta sucked for a little while with finals and such. Luckily, the sun has shone again. I ended up getting a C in the psychology class I was freaking out about, so I have nothing to worry about after all. :) However, the other psychology class that I missed the B by .8% still pisses me off, but whatever...I don't care enough to act pissed about it. I got my PC all hooked up and ready to go so I can start my video editing extravaganza. I am taking all the videos from when we were younger, since we were such talented actors and actresses, and recording them onto my PC so I can edit them and have great fun. Plus, they are absolutely hilarious to watch since they are mostly from 1997-1999.
Not to mention, I met someone who's really really great...so I guess we'll see where that goes :)
Me gusta life mucho.
Have a faaantastic day.
(By the way, I accidentally posted this like 4 times and had to delete it and start over...so each time it got shorter)
Dec. 19th, 2006 @ 06:15 pm
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| » Past few days... |
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Finals have been, for lack of better words, kicking my ass. Sunday night I stayed up all night studying for my history and lifespan development exams; which, I think I did fabulous on my history exam. The lifespan development course is a special case. In order to maintain my minor plan of study in the department of psychology I needed to either pass with a B in lifespan development or a C in psychology of personality. Now to give a little background, it is going to seem as if I am resorting to rationalization; but rest assured what I am about to share is the whole truth. My psychology of personality course has been a pain since day one. The professor is the most unorganized person I have ever met. Not to mention, he doesn't believe in the use of powerpoint slides, so to capture his very unstructured and unorganized main points is close to impossible, especially when he drags topics on and habitually deviates from the subject at hand. Unfortunately, the text book for the class is no better so I can't even just read to make up for the poor lecture. The text book is very repetitive and explains topics so thoroughly that it confuses you. It provides so many unnecessary details that you often get confused with what the point is that they're really trying to get across and which material is essential.
Now back to my dilemma: I figured out my course grades and in order to attain a B in my lifespan development course I needed an 82 on the exam and to get a C in the psych of personality course I needed at least an 83. To increase the probability of achieving such a grade, I devoted myself to pretty much a 12-hour study period for each course, neglecting to sleep so I could utilize all of my free time to study. Last night I retaught myself all of the material for my personality course; I spent hours in the library and re-read all the chapters twice highlighting all the important material. I typed the excerpts I highlighted and re-read it consistently throughout the night. Remember how I needed to either get a B in my lifespan course or a C in my personality course to remain a minor in the department of psychology? Well I checked my grade and got an 80 on my lifespan exam, which means I was ONE question away from getting a B in the course; not to mention my average is a 79.2, aka .8 away from being a B! And after torturing hours studying for my personality test, I went and took that exam at 7:50am this morning and seriously did not understand a majority of the exam. He has a way of wording things on the test; it is like he is deliberately trying to confuse you so you do bad. So, I am about 95% sure that I didn't make my C in that class either. So, now I'm screwed, upset, exhausted, angry and the list goes on. I can't wait til' this week is over.
Dec. 12th, 2006 @ 09:16 am
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Why must most people seek to create drama in the lives of those around them? I mean, seriously: How old are we? I am not writing this journal entry to spark any drama or to try and get anybody to apologize to me for creating drama, but more so to open the readers' eyes. Take a look around and think of all the stuff you have done in the past week and how it has affected those you have come into contact with. For the most part, if you're reading this you are relatively the same age as myself (18-22ish); which if that's the case then this motivational journal entry is for you. Most importantly, I am not writing this to any specific person, or group of people, but to the population as a whole to encourage a rise in mature behavior in regards to how you treat your friends (or enemies, for that matter). It is also important for the reader to understand that no single event caused the composition of this journal entry, instead it is the frustration built up from the multiple events in the past.
First off, grow up. Stop thinking that everything that occurs is because of you; the whole world, in fact, doesn't revolve around you. On that same note, stop making things seem worse than actually are: forgiveness and optimism are virtues which should be utilized in any healthy relationship. If someone does something to upset you or piss you off, instead of avoiding the art of communication, talk to them! And when I say talk to them, I mean directly rather than talking to every other person so that it eventually gets back to them because you're to immature to say something to them yourself. Oh and posting an away message to make them feel bad or avoiding them with that same intention does not qualify for reconciliation, just fyi.
Secondly, just because you did something, or do something a certain way, doesn't necessarily mean that every other person is going to act in the same way you would. So what if you suck as a person, stop feeding that negative energy to everyone else.
Oh and let's not forget: Pretending that everything is okay when you're around that person and then talking shit behind their backs is still a mean of creating drama!
We're not all perfect beings and I can attest to that as well. I am not trying to imply that I am perfect in any way. We, as a human race, are all subject to flaws but it is definitely clear that some know how to manage them better than others. Again, I am not trying to imply that I am better than anyone, because I guarantee you I am not. My sole purpose for writing this is to encourage everyone to stop creating drama. If you feel you can not stop creating drama, then learn how to. It's really not that difficult of a process. Stop embellishing, stop exaggerating, stop making shit up, and stop trying to make everyone feel bad. Done. Try it for a couple of weeks, see how it works out. Then, let me know.
Dec. 9th, 2006 @ 04:28 pm
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As a famous scholar by the name of Nicole Kidman once said, "when you relinquish the desire to control your future, you can have more happiness." And I could not agree with her more. I don't really know where this is from, all I know is that she said it at one point possibly during an interview, but that is irrelevant because regardless of where the quote is from it rings true for me.
I feel as if I plan too much. When I enter into a situation I think of how I want it to go and if it doesn't go that way, I waste breath trying to manipulate the situation in a way so that it does go the way it "should". For a while, the method worked great; at least, it seemed as if it was working but I am starting to realize how idiotic the plan, in all of it's wonder, is. Take, for example, my current but not so true view on relationships. As mentioned in the previous entry, I am not necessarily looking for a relationship because there is so much I need to figure out and such, but what if I am just an idiot. How do I know that a relationship isn't a route to discovering more about myself and or my life, in general. I mean, if I spend all this time planning how I want my life to be for me, will there ever be any space for someone else? Probably not.
Life, as I have come to know it, is all about spontaneity; things happen when we least expect them to and often times the outcomes of situations can be very extreme whether negative or positive. If I am trying so hard to discover myself as "me" then shouldn't I be shutting out my friends too so that they don't become part of the me as a whole. Uh no. See, the plan is stupid. Having someone significant in my life would be most grateful, especially at a time like this. I am young, my environment and the people in my life (whether they be friendships or intimate relationships) should be playing a significant role in who I am. Duh isn't that what they're essentially there for? I think to clarify my stand on relationships, I am not necessarily looking for a relationship, but if I find someone that makes me happy I am not going to turn them away either.
I am not an uptight person. I am probably the least uptight and most laid back person in most situations. But, I worry too much; I get that from my mother, I swear. It is like paranoia to the max. Usually I over-exaggerate, but that's just due to my love for sarcasm. Again, it goes back to my need for control of the future; I need to know the reason why something is happening so that I can act accordingly. Which under certain circumstances it is great, but others it just sucks. Blah, but no more. If I stress on the future, how am I ever going to enjoy the present? Thank you Ms. Nicole Kidman for this enlightening and amazing revelation haha. It is a great philosophy to live by. Some planning is okay, but too much becomes a burden.
Episode #2 of Dr. Todd. I love my 4am reflections haha. Anywho.
So Thanksgiving was good. I can't decide if I am happy to be home or not. Saturday-Sunday was nice, but then I was ready to go back. I spent Monday and Tuesday in Peoria, which were great times. Wednesday I was back at home and ready to shoot myself. Thursday, I spent at my aunt's house for thanksgiving making up very exciting elaborate stories to my little cousins. One thing I have to admit that I like about little kids is that they are so gullible, it is great entertainment. Although, I don't think I could ever have kids of my own. They're cute and all, but only for a little while. I would much rather just babysit every now and then for someone else, that way I can choose the ages I see them as well as for how long I see them haha. No more tangents, I promise...sorry! Dinner was great though, it was the first time I ate as much as I did in months and I didn't want to stop haha. Yesterday (Friday) was fun too, I went to Boystown and got to see some people that I never get to see. Tomorrow/Today (Saturday) should be good times too. I am not sure on the official game plan for tomorrow, but regardless of what I do I know it will be great times :). Then, Sunday I get to wake up early and write all the papers that I was supposed to be doing throughout break and then back to ISU!!!! I am so excited to go back, I can't wait.
Okay, but no more typing. I need to go to bed, I am so tired. It is now 4:50am, gross. Goodnight.
Nov. 25th, 2006 @ 04:50 am
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| » Road to Recovery |
|---|
As many of you know due to my persistent complaining throughout the past few days, I have been diagnosed with a pretty deadly disease: a sinus infection. Luckily, I was prescribed several medications which have thus far alleviated many of the symptoms that were causing my, for lack of a better word, agony. Given the circumstances and the greatness of the world of science for developing such miraculous tube-shaped prophylactic medicines, I am in a fantastic mood. Thank you science.
I woke up this morning at approximately 7:45am. I rolled over and stared at the alarm clock for about five minutes before making any significant movements, while, of course, listening to the constant buzzing in which it resounds oh so well. Finally, I pushed myself to reach over and slam my hand upon the snooze button (the second greatest invention) and rolled back over and went back to sleep for another fifteen minutes before my alarm sounded once again. This time, I sat up rather quickly and thought to myself: "Do I feel okay to go to class?" Obviously something that I should be considering, since I was so ill the past few days. Physically, at that moment, I felt 100% rejuvenated and ready to pursue a super day; so I peeked outside the window to get an idea of what today was going to be like and I saw wetness on the ground. All of a sudden, I became very ill again (not really, haha), which upon the conversation in my head with myself (don't think I'm weird), I giggled because I entertained myself. So, I changed my alarm clock to re-awaken me at 9:30am so I can still glorify that class with my presence and that is exactly what I did. At 9:25am, actually, I sprung out of bed still in a rather good mood. I went and brushed my teeth and walked to class thinking to myself how rejuvenated and happy I was. It was at that moment I realized that I was on the road to recovery!
Next thought..
Last night I had an interesting conversation with one of my friends about ex's, relationships and such. After the conversation, I began to think about some very interesting stuff. Lately, I have been extremely lonely and trying so hard to enter back into the dating world. Due to my recent lack of success within this department, I have been somewhat secretly sad lately. However, succeeding this rather enjoyable conversation I thought to myself about relationships and myself, in general. I came to a rather interesting conclusion, too. Let me give you a little bit of background about my life. At age 15-16 I had just discovered I was gay, and began pursuing a homosexual lifestyle, in means of developing friendships with other people who were "the same" as me and such as that. I met an interesting group of people, who became my primary clique, if you will. haha. Well, through this "group" I met what would soon become the love of my life for the next three years. It is for this experience, that I am grateful because it taught me so much about life and love that I would never have figured out on my own. Now, let me put things into perspective: From 16-19 I was in a relationship and what I learned about life was always instituted into relationship form. So the way I look at it is now is my time to learn, live and enjoy life on my own. Why should I rush life and try to devote myself into a relationship? There is so much more in life that I need to learn, not only about myself, but about the world and society in general before I can ever make someone as happy as I want to. Plus with school and work, it is so hard to manage my assignments, tests, and other educational-related things, and manage a staff at the venues, all the while trying to manage a relationship which often becomes very difficult and time consuming. I want to figure out things for myself, what am I going to be doing 2-3 years from now? I don't even know where I want to live after school. I'm a very goal-oriented person. I like having a set plan and following accordingly. Though spontaneity is sometimes nice, essentially I like knowing what is going to happen next especially when it comes to my life plan, with an understanding of life's unpredictability. I know what I want to do with the rest of my life and it is time for me to start executing that instead of worrying about who I am going to be spending the rest of my life with. This is my time to develop friendships and get to know people; dating would be nice, even. Plus, the way I look at it...if I become friends with the person that I am "meant" to spend the rest of my life with throughout this process, they'll still be here when I am done figuring things out and if they're not, then obviously I was not meant to spend the rest of my life with them. :)
...the latest from Dr. Todd haha. Stay tuned for next weeks episode! ;)
Nov. 10th, 2006 @ 01:27 pm
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| » Once again, a wonderful update... |
|---|
First off, I just returned from possibly my favorite place in the entire world: Orlando, FL. It was absolutely the best time ever. I can not even begin to explain the fun that I had while down there, not to mention the weather was much more enjoyable than the 30 degree weather here in the wonderful town of Blo-No. Yuck. I have decided that my new career aspiration is to one day become a Disney Look-a-like and/or character. In order to start my little journey, I first have to move away to Orlando. Later! haha. Too bad I do not have the balls to do it. lol
Anywho, what else is going on you ask? Well, not much really. My car is still eh, my parents went to find parts for it but unfortunately it turns out my car is a "signature" model and very unique, so they only made a select few of my specific model which happens to be a little something called and "XR-7". According to the mechanic finding parts will be difficult, if not impossible...which is a complete rain on my fuckin' parade, let me tell you. To make everything better, my parents just bought a new car. And my father as mature as he is, decided to give me a call and brag about how nice his new car is and add in the fact that mine is in pieces in the garage. Woo, they sure do know how to make me feel better!! I just think it's ridiculous...I won't get into details but I have my own little grudge built up.
Time away from here was definitely needed, although the return definitely made me realize that nothing is really fixed. It was temporarily, but everything I left behind when I went to FL was still here when I got back, which in turn caused all those mixed feelings to once again come up. I honestly can say that for once I am stumped and I really don't know what to do to "fix" everything. Partially I am ready to re-enter the dating world, but I don't know...I've tested the waters lately and have seen nothing but what could have potentially been a serious heart break. And to be completely honest I am not prepared for another heart break. Though some sort of heart break is inevitable in any relationship, I need to find someone that will ultimately make me happy, not just temporarily or for the time being. I'm not looking for people for one night stands, I really do want to spend time getting to know someone and experiencing life with another person. But all the fuckin' boys at the fuckin' ilstu are concerned with nothing but getting ass and causing drama...which I am definitely over. So yea. That's my life. HaHa. You know you're jealous ;)
So what else? Let's think...stress is reigning once again in the quest for the most powerful emotion on my life. Yea get this, I return from FL, relaxed, energized, etc...to come back and have a day to study for a test, then have a weekend of studying for two additional tests the following week. All the while attempting to complete a 306 page book for a test that is on Nov. 17th. Grr.
Not to mention, registration just opened and obviously that can not go right either. I got 4 of the classes I wanted, but there's one more that I need which is full; which means I will probably get stuck taking it at a different time and re-doing my entire schedule. Super.
Tomorrow's just another day
Another way
To spend my day
All by my self
Starin at the tv screen
Flipping through my magazine
Everything is unclear
I need you here
And I wake up
Put on my make up
Pick up the phone
Nobodys home
I need to break out
Give me some take out
Standing inside a crowd
I wanna scream out loud
I’ll be ok
I’ll be ok
Walking down this winding road
Raining days are i know
I have hit the ground
Staring up into the sky
Countin all the reasons why
My mind is spinning around
I need to breath
So i wake up
Put on my make up
Pick up the phone
Nobodys home
And I need to break out
Give me some take out
Standing inside the crowd
I wanna scream out loud
I’ll be ok
Get off from the floor
I just can’t take no more
Leavin it all behind
Cause yesterday's gone
I’ll be ok
I’ll be ok
I need to break out!!
Tomorrow just another day
Another way
To spend my day
Nov. 2nd, 2006 @ 02:18 am
|
| » I Don't know why I am continuing to fill these out... |
|---|
|
* YOU
1. A Cuddler? way yes
2. A morning person? not at all, id much rather stay up all night and sleep all day
3. Are you a perfectionist? with certain things...
4. An only child? nope
5. Religious? i dont practice
6. In your pajamas? technically yes
7. Left handed? righty
* LAST
1. Friend you saw: brittany n..walking back from class
2. Talked to on the phone: nikki earlier today
3. Message over myspace: dylan
4. Wore: im wearing sweat pants and a hoodie right now
5. Was today better then yesturday: no, i actually had to get out of bed today... :(
* FAVORiTE
1. Number: 13
2. Color: blue
3. Season: fall
* CURRENTLY
1. Missing: parrots echo
2. Needing: sleep
3. Wanting: a new car
* QUESTiONS & ANSWERS
Q: What was the 1st thing you did this morning?
A: showered
Q: Last thing you ate:
A: baby carrots
Q: Do you have anything bothering you?
A: i miss my car :(
Q: What's the last movie you saw?
A: american dreamz
Q: Where is the last place you went?
A: tech 275 in turner hall
Q: Do you smile often?:
A: absolutely all the time, rarely do i not smile...
Q: Do you wish upon stars?
A: used to..
Q: Are you a friendly person?:
A: way too friendly lol
Q: Where did you sleep last night?:
A: in my bed
Q: What color shirt are you wearing?:
A: my gray ISU hoodie
Q: Do you have more guy or girl friends?
A: more girl friends
Q: When was the last time you cried?
A: couple days ago because my life sucked for like a day hahahahaa
Q: What was your last thought before going to sleep last night?
A: should i really set my alarm or no?
Q: What are you about to do?
A: lay down and watch me some tv before dinner at 5:20 with my girlsies haha
Q: Rate life as of right now 1-10?
A: 9.. i can't complain
Q: What do you hear right now?
A: the wind
Q: If you could drink anything right this second, what would it be?
A: umm hmm.. well i do have some jack. ;).lol
Q: Anything hurt on your body right now?
A: my head hurts a tad
Q: What's your favorite month?
A: october and december and july
Q: What was your elementary schools mascot?
A: tiger
Q: What..s your favorite bottled water?
A: dasani..but i'm poor..and never buy it
Q: What are you doing at 9 pm tonight?
A: nothing productive..
Q: What..s your favorite Starbucks drink?
A: mocha light frappe w/ whipped creme
Q: Did you attend your High School prom?
A: yep.. soph and junior year.. i skipped out on the senior one
Q: Did you go to someone else's prom?
A: negative
Q: Do you prefer coffee or tea?
A: coffee
Q: Something red within 5 feet of you?
A: the homecoming lanurd thing with my keys on it
Q: Least favorite color?
A: baby yellow and pea green
Q: Favorite kind of pizza?
A: pepperoni
Q: Ever had Dippin Dots?
A: yessum..they're fabulous
Q: Ever make fun of a homeless person?
A: once.. i'm a bitch i know..
Q: At what age do you want to get married?
A: before i'm 30..thats all i know
Q: How many kids do you have/want?
A: who knows.. between 2 and 4
Q: Ketchup or Mustard?
A: ketchup.. mustard is awkward.
Oct. 23rd, 2006 @ 04:35 pm
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| » I Should be studying for a test right now... |
|---|
1) Are you in a complicated relationship?
no relationship para me...just me
2) Do you hate more than 3 people?:
i dont hate, just strongly dislike a few hehe...watch out...my cars already damaged, so a little more wont hurt it.
3) How many houses have you lived in?
1 house, 1 dorm and soon to be one apartment! yay
4) Favorite candy bar?:
i cant remember what theyre called...but it is a luscious chocolate covered pretzel, with gooey caramel in a mouth watering combination to make you yearn for another.
6) Have you ever tripped someone?
like trip and make fall or like trip...like damn son?
7) Least favorite school subject?
school, in general.
8) How many pairs of shoes do you own?
uhh...3 pairs of gym shoes, about 6 pairs of flip flops, and 3 pairs of slippers...could be worse.
9) Do you own a Britney Spears CD?:
all of them, plus the remix CDs...i love me some britney
10) Have you ever thrown up in public?:
does in my room in front of everyone count?
11) Name one thing that is always on your mind?
whats my favorite song today?
12) Favorite genre of music?
allllll music.
13) What do you dream about?
all day i dream about sex...thank you JC Chasez.
14) What time were you born?
uh...i guess my memory sucked when i was a baby..i dont remember
15) Do you like beer?:
only if i consumed high levels of hard liquor prior to its consumption
16) Have you made a prank phone call?:
i love ip relay. does that make me a bad person?
17) What is the most embarrassing CD you own?
i am not embarrassed about my cd collection...hanson is my favorite. mmm bop.
18) Are you sarcastic?
what is sarcasm?
19) What are your favorite colors?:
blue, silver, orange
20) How many watches do you own?:
only a few at the moment although i'm in LOVE with watches that I can't afford quite yet anyways...... i will have an amazing timepiece collection when i have the means necessary
21) Summer or winter?
somewhere in the middle
22.) Is someone in love with you?
uh...good question hahaha
23) Favorite color to wear?:
blue and green.
24) Pepsi or Sprite?:
water? yea.
27) Have you ever slapped someone?
i slapped myself this weekend...
29) How many lamps are in your bedroom?:
2
30)How many video games do you own?
3. grand theft auto III, grand theft auto vice city and grand theft auto san andreas...i like crashing the cars...as you can see ive had practice. and i make up names for the people before i run them over. hahaha juuuust kidding, but that is a good idea.
31) What was your first pet?:
sasha lasha masha...my puppy dog.
32) Ever had braces?:
nope
33) Do looks matter?
to an extent.
34) Do you use chapstick?
i couldnt live without it.
35) Name 3 teachers from high school:
mrs chambers, mr trevino, mista hennessy (although he wasnt a teacher)
36) American Eagle or Abercrombie?
american eagle.
37) Are you too forgiving?:
yea because ppl suck haha
38) How many children do you want?:
i want tons when they hit like 3 years old...and i want them til their like 7 so i can see them develop their personality when theyre really cute and funny...and then give them away. is that bad?
39) Do you own something from Hot Topic?:
no...
40) Favorite breakfast meal?:
omelletes.
41) Do you own a gun?
squirt gun.
42) Ever thought you were in love?
yea
43) Last time you cried?
hahahaha
44) What did you do 3 nights ago?:
is it bad that i dont remember?
45) Olive Garden?
unlimited salad. my goddess of love.
46) Have you ever called your teacher mom?
yes, mrs. chambers...she was like a mom.
47) Have you ever been in a castle?:
my castle of looove
48) Nicknames?:
i dont have nicknames. jerks.
49) Do you know anyone named Bertha?
no
50) Ever been to Kentucky?
yea
51) Do you own something from Banana Republic?
no
52) Are you thinking about somebody right now?
im thinking about how i should be studying
53) Ever called somebody Boo?:
hahahaha
54) Do u Smoke:
supposedly when im drunk...but i dont like it at all and ill never it do it sober.
55) Do you own a ring?:
nope
56) Are you happy with your life?
yea
57) Do you like your hair?
its soft and straight.
58) Does anyone have a crush on you?:
i dont know...
60) What were you doing in May of 1994?
uhh...probably practicing how to be gay.
61) Do you own a Backstreet Boys CD?:
yea...i dont care who you are, where youre from what you did...as long as you love me
62) McDonalds or Wendys?
gross.
63) Do you like yourself?
yea
64) Are you closer to your mother or father?
mother
65) Favorite physical feature(s) of the opposite sex?:
eyes, smile, face, build, arms...everything lol
66) Are you afraid of the dark?:
after horror movies
67) Have you ever eaten paste?
when i was younger.
68) Do you own a webcam?:
no
69) Have you ever stripped?
haha this weekend for nikki
70) Ever broken a bone?:
sprained, bruised, but never broken.
71)What's you favorite scary movie?
now im thinking about scream.
but texas chainsaw massacre scares the shit out of me.
72) Do you chat on IM often?
its all i do, sadly
73) Pringles or Lays?:
Baked Lays
74) Have you ever broken someone's heart?:
arguably
76) Full House or The Brady Bunch?:
omg. full hose all the way.
77) Did you like your high school guidance counselor?:
best person in the world.
78) Has anyone ever called you a tease?
i am not a tease
79) Do you have a birth mark?
yeah
81) Can you cook?
i can, the question is...will you eat it?
82) 3 things that annoy you:
liars, people that suck as people, being tickled
83) Do you text message a lot??
recently, yea...my momma llamas not happy
84) Money or love?
love
85) Do you have any scars?
woah. tons. im clumbsy
86) What do you want more than anything right now?:
a miracle so i dont have to take this test.
87) Do you enjoy scary movies?
yea
88) Do you like to be handcuffed:
what kind of question is this? porno.
89) Big Red or Juicy Fruit?:
trident splash.
90) Do you enjoy greasy food?
gross.
91) Have you seen all the Rocky movies?:
no
92) Do you own a box of crayons?:
aww no but now i want one
93)What is your favorite food?
cheese fries
94) Who was the last person you said "I love you" to?
nikki
95) Who was the last person that made you angry?
myself.
96) Who was the last person that made you cry?
myself
97) Who was the last person that made you laugh?:
myself...sad huh?
98) Who was the last person to text you?
nikki
99)Who was the last person that called you?
nikki
100) Who's your best friend
nikki
101) Boxer or briefs?
boxers
102) What is your fantasy?
i wanna li-li-lick you from your head to your toes and i wanna...move from the bed down to tha-down to tha floo and i wanna...you know the rest
103) Believe in love at first sight?
i don tknow
104) Lights on or lights off?
depends on the situation
105) Last movie seen?
american dreamz
106) Worst regret?
I don't usually regret
107) Coffee or capuccino?
capuccino
108) Favorite position?
huh?
109) What would you do different in your life?
sleep more and study harder.
Oct. 23rd, 2006 @ 01:04 pm
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| » This is what boredom does to you... |
|---|
61 Odd Questions. Be truthful.
1.) Do you talk in your sleep?
how would i know?
2.) Red or blue jello?
blue
3.) What's the song thats getting on your nerves right now?
my bologne has a first name...its o-s-c-a-r
4.) Current Crush?
im not telling lol
5.) What's your favorite color?
blue
6.) Window seat or aisle seat?
window so i can stare...its what i do best :)
7.) Ever met anyone famous?
yea..lots...but the most enjoyable was ryan cabrera...because i kinda sorta wanted to rape him, but shh...
8.) Do you feel that you've had a truly successful life?
for the most part, i mean...obviously theres some stuff i wish would change but no sense in dwelling...the past is there to learn
9.) Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?
i didn't even know you could cut spaghetti...
10.) Ricki Lake or Oprah Winfrey?
uhh...can we say...GAY
11) Basketball or Football?
Football..go bears
12.) How long do your showers last?
depends how tired i am...early morning/late night...20 mins sometimes...midday-5 mins-ish
13.) Do you know how to drive a stick?
does grinding the gears horribly count as knowing how?
15.) Are you self-conscious?
i think everyone is a little
16.) Have you ever given money to a bum?
only to buddah in boystown...
18). Where do you wish you were?
in orlando..oh wait, ill be there next week...YAY
19.) Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?
no...*knock on wood*
20.) Can you tango?
i can...can i do it good? probably not.
21.) Last gift you received?
i dont receive gifts...nobody loves me.
22.) Last sport you played?
flippy cup.
23.) Things you spend a lot of money on?
gas, food...fat boys gotta eat, aight? movies, music, life...you know, the usual
25) Last wedding attended?
beth's
26) Favorite FAST food restaurant?
hmmm...i HATE fast food
27) Most hated food(s)?
fish
28) Can you sing?
not well, but i still do it.
29) Last person that called you?
my momma llama
31) Favorite Drink?
water..
32) Forecast for the World Series?
how am i supposed to know what the weathers like?
33) Do you believe in Heaven?
yea
34) Do you miss someone?
i miss everyone.
35) Have you ever come close to dying?
i dont think so
36) What jewelry do you wear 24/7?
just my golden tooth. haha juuuust kidding.
mine and brittanys friendship bracelet that we bought together at aero on clearance!!
37) Are you eating?
cap'n crunch...i want dunkaroos.
38) Do you eat the stems of broccoli?
i dont eat broccoli...so i guess not.
39) Do you wear makeup?
i may be gay...but im not that gay lol
40) What's your worst fear?
driving in the rain and needles
41) Would you ever have plastic surgery?
only if they can find a way to do it without needles/scalpels/pain...
42) What do you wear to bed?
boxers and a t-shirt
43) Have you ever done anything illegal?
nooo....well, i have downloaded music :-x
44) Have you got caught?
nope...im sneaky.
45) What kind of sneakers do you wear usually?
i have more shoes than my mother...i have spending issues.
46) What is your hair color?
Brown
47) Future child's name?
allamackuwalee
50) Do you snore?
again, how would i know?
51) If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be?
wisconsin. i like cheese.
52) Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
nope...but i have like 11 pillows
53) If you won the lottery, what would you do first?
buy a new car :(
54) Gold or silver?
silver
55) Hamburger or hot dog?
hamburger or all beef hot dog...none of that processed shit..gross
56) If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
cheese fries
57) City, beach or country?
city
58) What was the last thing you touched?
my keyboard...
59) Where did you eat last?
bakers square like 5 hours ago w erica and nikki poo
60) When's the last time you cried?
uhh...i had a drunken breakdown on friday night lol
61) Do you read blogs?
yea im a loser.
Oct. 23rd, 2006 @ 01:36 am
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| » The Extension |
|---|
So reflecting on my previous post I came to the conclusion that there are some life changes that need to be made. Life is difficult; that's because it is meant to be difficult. It is how we overcome the obstacles and search for new ways that we find a sense of euphoria, or at least something like it.
To those that I have spent a majority of my time complaining to, thank you so much for listening to me bitch; I know I have been difficult lately. I am sorry for all my rampages and frequent mood changes; but really, I only do it to myself. But thank you all for being there for me through everything, I can not thank you enough :)
Even though the circumstances suck right now, I will be okay. The car is material that can be replaced eventually and school is something that is just there and I have to get used to it. In the end, everything will work out for the better. I mean life can't suck forever? HaHa.
But for the record, happy Todd is on the rebound. lol
Oct. 20th, 2006 @ 03:53 am
|
| » The Decline of the Quality of Life |
|---|
Just when you thought life couldn't possibly get worse...it does.
It seems as if life is out to get me lately. Maybe I have done something wrong and this is the payback in which I receive? I don't know. I can't take it anymore. The stress levels, as it seems, are unbearable. I have been bothered by the fact that I really haven't been myself lately; daily smiles are somewhat of a challenge and even waking up in the morning is rough lately, and unfortunately not because I have been partying too much. I mean I know it is a mixture of a bit of an over-reaction on my part, but hey...I'm gay I am supposed to over-react to things. But regardless, a lot of things have been getting to me lately and things have been bothering me far more than they usually do. For example, today I was at Parrot's Echo (let me remind you, it is partially my favorite place to eat in the world while at the good ol' ilstu) and I ordered a sweet potato and when my food came I received a baked potato; so I stuck my knife in the baked potato and put it in the waitresses face and said "yea, I don't mean to be a bitch but, uh I ordered a sweet potato and this definitely isn't sweet". Given it was right after my accident and I was far from a happy person, that still does not comply with Todd-Etiquette.
Oh yea, so today I was driving down Main St. being happy, singing along to my music and all of a sudden the car in front of me slams on their brakes; so, what do I do? I slam on mine. But, due to the weather conditions (wet/rainy/gross), my car slid along the pavement right underneath the back end of the Explorer in front of me...I was pretty badly shaken up at the scene of the accident. I'm not hurt, but just a little sore. I tensed up pretty badly when it first happened and the stress build-up from there on out was just too much, so my back and neck are kind of sore but nothing I won't get over. The whole car ordeal has me really upset though. My car looks horrible and it's going to cost way too much to fix, so right now I am car-less. And soon I may be license-less, because this is my second offense within a 24-month period and I am under the age of 21. So that would definitely just make my life all the more perfect.
:(
Oct. 19th, 2006 @ 01:21 am
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Typically I am against posting song lyrics without first writing a long nice blog, because I think it is lame. Plus, I believe it is very justifiable by writing and then following the posting with some nice lyrics to soothe the mind and fully grasp the contents of the post. But this time, I am just posting some lyrics to a song that has come to have much meaning in my life. Given it does require some interpretation, if you actually know me it shouldn't be too difficult to interpret.
I could tell you the wildest of tales
My friend the giant and traveling sales
Tell you all the times that I failed
The years all behind me the stories exhaled
And I'm drying out
Crying out
This isn't how I go
I could tell you of a man not so tall
Who said life's a circus and so we are small
Tell you of a girl that I saw
I froze in the moment and she changed it all
And I'm drying out
Crying out
This isn't how I go
Hurry now
Lay me down
And let these waters
Flow, flow
Sorry I am not everything
You thought that I would be
But every story I have told
Is part of me
You keep the air in my lungs
Floating along as a melody comes
And my heart beats like timpani drums
Keeping the time while a symphony strums
And I'm drying out
Crying out
This isn't how I go
Hurry now
Lay me down
And let these waters
Flow…
Sorry I am not everything
You thought that I would be
But every story I have told
Is part of me
I leave you now but you have so much more to do
And every story I have told is part of you
Oct. 16th, 2006 @ 09:36 pm
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